Coffee shop of horrors

So I just popped into a local coffee house (haus, if you want to be pretentious) for my mid-afternoon enormous latte. It was unnerving. While I’m waiting for my fix, I see these:

The cell picture quality is low, but here’s the text:

By filling out this form, I agree to receive a monthly newsletter from [Realty Company]. I will also receive coupons to use at [Coffee Company].

Here’s a tip: If an offer to receive coupons is preceded by a legal disclaimer, it is not worth it.

Then, as I’m leaving the shop, I hear the caffeine professional [*] exclaim with no small amount of ebullience:

My first latte!

Shudder.

[*] I refuse to use the term “barista” to refer to the part-time employees of Starbucks and other coffee chains. According to Wikipedia:

In its most basic form, a barista by definition is one who prepares espresso coffee beverages. However, its meaning is expanding to include what might be called a coffee sommelier, who is highly skilled in espresso preparation, with a comprehensive understanding of coffee, coffee blends, quality, coffee varieties, roast degree, espresso equipment, maintenance, and performance, latte art, etc.

Coffee sommelier? I would argue that if you have ever voluntarily consumed a blended coffee drink made using powdered coffee flavoring, you have lost your right to claim to be “highly skilled” in espresso preparation.